Yes, I Started Jane Eyre

"Conventionality is not morality. Self-righteousness is not religion. To attack
the first is not to assail the last. To pluck the mask from the face of the
Pharisee, is nt to lift an impious hand to the Crown of Thorns. These things and
deeds are diametrically opposed: they are as distinct as is vice from virture.
Men too often confound them: they should not be confounded; appeareance should
not be mistaken for truth; narrow human doctrines, that only tend to elate and
magnify a few, should not be substituted for the world-redeeming creed of
Christ."

***

"Children can feel, but they cannot analyse their feelings; and if the analysis is partially effected in thought, they know not how to express the result of the process in words."

-Charlotte Bronte, Jane Eyre.

Lost art...

The whole experience of my creativity being lost really bothers me.
I see brilliant fucking artists creating just beautiful pieces of work, and I'm astounded at their talent.

I used to be that way. And I want that creativity to return. I need to feel inspired. Suggestions, people? Songs, textures, tools, arts, books, anything?
Please do put forth your word and I'll give it a go.
Anything to create again.

I don't know where to begin. I feel bored even before starting it. Scared, really.
Sort of, rejected. Disheartened. At art. Imagine that.
I feel bored about something I love..or well..used to love.

"Torn apart at the seams of my
dreams,
Turn to tears;
I'm not feeling this situation.
Run away trying to find that safe place you can
hide;
The best place to be when you feeling
like me.
Yeah.
All these things I hate revolve around
me"

We're Individuals For A Reason

I used to think as a child that to be able to find a bestfriend or a soul-mate, for that matter, they have to be just like you.

I realize now that not everyone can be the same.
Everyone has different shit on their platter. Every person has their own problems, different reasons for existence, different paths to follow.

Moreover, a soulmate is like that missing piece of jigsaw puzzle in the centre. The picture is complete, yet, unless you find that one piece, there's an empty hole, something lacking, in that entire puzzle. And what one lacks, the other completes.

In that way, we're all different. And we have to be. We are called individuals for a reason, you know.

"I’m a satellite heart
Lost in the dark
I’m spun out so far
You stop, I start
But I’ll be true to you."

I used to be afraid of being alone, being different. Being an alien.
It's silly how the littlest of moments become so deeply etched into our souls that we forget they were once never a part of us. Demand characteristic; the need to conform, the need to belong-- genetically ingrained in every human being.

Or is it?

Moulded and shaped into the perfect fucking sculpture of human lies.
Perfection-- a pathetic fallacy.

When a sculpture is moulded, pressing the clay and shaping it to your vision of perfection, certain permanent dents are constructed on its surface.
And they don't go.
We think they do, but it's just an illusion. Maybe delusion.
Or would ignorance be more appropriate a word?
Humans cannot, no, should not, be sculpted that way. First, they don't all share your vision.

"Paint my face in your magazine
Make me look whiter than it seems
Paint me over with your dreams
Shove away my ethnicity.
Burn every notion that I
May have a flame inside to fight
And say just what is on my mind
Without offending your might"

Second, and the most important, they are fucking born to be individuals. Hear this, loud and clear.
So when you do shape them, realize, that your illusion of perfection? It's just dystopian, destructive, self-destructive perfection.
You'll never succeed. Don't try. Don't.
Just don't even fucking bother.

"Cause this life
Is to short
To live it just
For you
But when
you feel
So powerless
What are you gonna do?
So say what you want."

The Average Man

Danish and indirectly, Duct Tape Nation aka Sarmad/Sam brought this to my attention.It was rather creepy actually. It's like I opened DannyBoyLove's page, and it's like right there, in my face, speaking to me.

Ladies and Gentlemen! You've read about it in the papers! Now witness, before your very eyes, that most rare and tragic of nature's mistakes! I give you: the average man. Physically unremarkable, it instead possesses a deformed set of values. Notice the hideously bloated sense of humanity's importance. Also note the club-footed social conscience and the withered optimism. It's certainly not for the squeamish, is it? Most repulsive of all, are its frail and useless notions of order and sanity. If too much weight is placed upon them... they snap. How does it live, I hear you ask? How does this poor pathetic specimen survive in today's harsh and irrational environment? I'm afraid the sad answer is, 'Not very well'. Faced with the inescapable fact that human existence is mad, random, and pointless, one in eight of them crack up and go stark slavering buggo! Who can blame them? In a world as psychotic as this... any other response would be crazy!"

Joker - Batman: Killing Joke

Alan Moore, [although I've never read any of his works], proves to be a genius by this dialog alone. :/

Old IS Gold

Averting away from the gloom that's been surrounding my blog for the past few days, I've been thinking about this: Generations before us had a far better life than what we lead today.

It's true. Think about it. The simplicity with which they did things is something to be envious of. Sure, we have all the latest technology, we have everything made easier for us and dished out to us on a plate, but that's precisely why we're so lethargic, stressed out, depressed.

When I compare my father and my brother, there's quite a bit of difference b/w the way they do things and their skills.
See, my brother is in touch with the latest technology and knows the short-cuts to everything, which is useful in a way and gets things done quicker.
But my father, he'll know the functioning of the object- in- context, inside out! He'll know WHY it works that way, how it works that way, and it's pure knowledge of the subject. He'll know exactly WHAT to fix, which gets the job done more efficiently. Obviously, they're more hardworking because they didn't have all those tools as we do now in the age-of-convenience.

Convenience-- that is exactly why we look for an easy way out. Not saying it's always a bad thing, but it's made us less hard-working. Also, we're so into technology, that the more important things such as socializing has been left out. Many argue that Facebook, Twitter, Myspasce, etc. are the ultimate source of communication. But what good is this sort of communication when you don't meet with those people in person, or worse still, forget your own family/extended family because of your cyber-socialization.



Also, all this social-networking craze that's taken the world by storm, little time is left for books, recreational activities, arts & crafts, learning useful skills, etc. Everyone's Twittering away or punching holes through their cellphones!
People argue that e-books are being more efficiently used, but really now! If we're being honest, how many people actually do use them?
Moreover, sometimes, I feel, people sort of force themselves subconsciously to go online and feel it a duty to communicate with people ONLINE, even if they don't really feel like it. Contradictory as this point maybe, it still is sufficiently true and proven.

In the olden days, family-time was given much importance. Brothers and sisters used to go out and play together. Now, as soon as the child turns 7, PSP and computer games top their wish list. Individuals in the earlier times were more active, energetic and hard-working, whilst in today's world, we the younger generation are much less active, finding short-cuts and wanting to get everything done quickly, getting impatient if the computer delays the operation by just one minute.

Even now, as you compare younger generations in the technologically-advanced nations to those who're not, you'll spot the difference immediately.

Of course, technology brings about a lot of positive things too, such as increased education, new skills, global interaction and cooperation, accelerated learning, etc. A person stays up-to-date with the latest news and stays informed about the world around him. There aren't good enough excuses to be purposely ignorant. But with power comes great responsibility, and it's very, very easy to abuse power, which sadly, a lot of us are doing these days.

Earlier, healthy food was consumed but now, since the 1950s/post industrial-revolution, mass-production method has been applied to foods and we're eating artificially-grown fruits, vegetables, etc. Seasonal fruits/vegetables are now available all year round. The quality of life that today's generation enjoys is luxurious and comfortable. Which although a blessing, should stir some worry in us because increasingly, we're becoming dependent on machines to do our jobs for us.
Our thinking abilities are diminishing and this directed learning [televisions, music, computer games, etc.] are slowly making us robotic. Not to mention the countless health problems being faced; obesity, weak eye-sight, BP, diabetes, RST, back problems, posture problems, to name a few.

That's your food for thought. Happy musing! As a wise man once said:

"Baby this a new age, you like my new craze
Let's get together maybe we can start a new phase
The smokes got the club all hazy, spotlights don't do you justice baby
Why don't you come over here, you got me saying

Ayo!
I'm tired of using technology."

[No seriously, man! There's depth in these words!]

The Path to Happiness

I believe some amendments are in order with regards to the previous post.
I was re-reading it in a more sane state of mind, and I realized I let a few words escape that, in truth, don't really reflect my emotions.

The path to happiness-- don't give up on it. Do search for it, of course, but what yesterday's post attempted to explain was, it cannot be forced upon oneself. Happiness cannot be forced upon an individual unless they really feel it resonating within them. And it is then reflected on the outside.
To give up on happiness is not the idea, but to give up on faking the happiness is, in fact, it.

Life's many joys are shared, but happiness cannot be shared unless some part of it exists in you, as I mentioned in my earlier post.

For the moment, I believe that when in a position where the individual has a lot going on for them, and their "lack of happiness" is getting the best of them, and interfering with their goals, aims, life in general, that's when it's time to give up the seemingly vain search for happiness, and get on with the goals, and focus on them alone.
When the time calls for it, the happiness will come your way. If not, you can begin/continue the search.
Many among the learned say 'happiness is just a phase of mind. It's about creating the right attitude to life. Once that has bee accomplished, happiness is waiting for you in a golden dish.'
Could be true, and that being said, I guess the "path to happiness" pretty much is this.

Happiness is temporary, so is sadness. They keep coming and going. Yes they are overrated because one or the other is fussed over so much. Many of us fail to realize that happiness is probably never consistent, because life brings with it ups and downs. That being said, we need to realize that this could better be rephrased as "happy moments", and not happiness in the larger context.
Happiness, in the larger context, comprises a general and consistent sense of well being, optimism and zest for life. When your soul doesn't haunt you into a direct claustrophobia of your personality. It's when sorrow is short-lived and joy, omnipresent.

All this, of course, is how I feel about the case at hand. No individual looks at life the same way, hence you are free to perceive the subject of happiness and sorrow according to your preference.

Decadence

It's easy to give in to it-- isn't it?
The fall from grace. It's so, so easy. Just a matter of seconds. A few moments and it's all gone-- all that you've been working for, aiming for. Hoping to build up so that once you've died, you're remembered with a notion of longing, happiness, and favorably- wishful remorse.

Why does one go on? What is that underlying force that makes one go on, all the while crushing their soul in the process?
If the human-mind comprehends that it's experiencing pain, then why does being selfless seem like the most important thing in the world at that moment? It's not fair. Why must one kill their own self for the sake of others? To interfere with someone else's destiny for your happiness? Selfish, indeed. But isn't that how most of the world is turning out to be, now?

What makes an individual force laughter, fake smiles and continue to live each day in a trance. It's a psychedelic puppet-show. Each day, everyday. You don't even know when you're picked up and set up on the stage, forced to display an array of comical plays. Your strings are beyond control as you let the puppet-master do the talking.
What is happiness anyway? Why are we striving for happiness? What does happiness bring us? Is it anything concrete? If for some it brings them a sense of well-being and makes them want to reach out and aim for the stars, well my friend, those who want to achieve goals, achieve them anyway. They have been achieving their targets in this depressing state of mind for as long as they can remember.

Maybe, some of us are just born morose. Like an innate sense of gloom that is further honed by events around them, giving form to their perceptions.
Maybe, some of us just don't know how to be happy. Maybe, it would be easier, no, BETTER, to just give into that pit of depression lurking amidst your perky exterior, and come to terms with the fact that happiness is just not meant for everyone. That not everyone can be made happy. That it's time to realize that people should be responsible for their own life & its consequences. That by crushing your soul, you not only do that yourself but allow others to do it as well.

Maybe, some of us are just born not to have dreams. Maybe, some of us just become so numb that the simplest of daily tasks require extensive efforts.

Moral of the post? Some of us should just try to give up on the search for happiness, and focus on the goals part alone. Come to terms with the fact that life is probably never going to keep them happy, but that shouldn't keep them from achieving their goals.

That happiness and sorrow are temporary [and overrated] and keep coming your way. Just like any good thing in your life, or bad for that matter. That maybe, not everyone is destined for it after all.

Some of us should just accept the way things are and move-on. And most importantly. stop wearing a mask that deludes them to the point of insanity-- stop pretending, and let the course of time unravel their mistakes, their fears, their lessons and their events. Happiness is shared only when you hold some within yourself.
You can't possibly make someone happy when you yourself have never known the meaning of happiness-- never felt it's true essence soaking in your skin and reverberating through your soul, pulsating through your veins.

Stop trying to change fate, to fight against destiny, & let the chips fall where they may...

I'm far too sick of claiming promises of a happy future. If it's not coming from within, I refuse to force it upon myself. I'm gonna let it go...

I Fucking Despise Edward Cullen...

...because he makes me fall hopelessly in love with him.
Yes folks, I broke my pact to not read Twilight ever again. I fucking broke it.
Why? Why does this happen? HOW does he have the power to make any girl fall for him?
Stupid unreliable vampire.
Stupid shiny Volvo owner.
>.>

I'm hopelessly and endlessly in love with him. I only read Twilight once and never again because I KNEW I would hurt too much. And yeah I do hurt now ._.
But it doesn't matter. *sigh*
See?!?1 SEE I TOLD YOU THE LOVE FOR EDWARD WOULDN'T GO AWAY! INYOFACE!

And everyone's already seen New Moon, and I haven't :[
It's rather depressing, really.
Everyone's all like, posting pictures up on FB and being all like, WOHOO OMG EDWARD/JACOB <3 lalalallala and I'm like ._. I didn't even watch it :'[
And I lost my fucking New Moon book too during the shifting.
I have all the parts except New Moon.
How fucking wonderful.

Life is just brilliant, isn't it?
Go die. No one cares.

Dear Procrastination, YOU SUCK!

Oh-kay. Not cool! Fielou here is stressed out! She has been procrastinating WAY too much and this is NOT cool. NOT cool!
Fielou needs to start her extended reading, revision of subjects, meeting the deadlines and STOP FREAKING TAKING 2 hour breaks! ._.
UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH.

Okay okay, lemme attempt to calm down.
SO!
Sociology right? I have to make sure that from this weekend onwards, I'm fully aware of what's going on in the subject. Revise for the test over the weekend and don't leave it pending till one day before! Complete pending work.
Pyschology-- complete all the pending answers, and revise whenever I get the time.
Media-- Complete pending work.

SEE?!?! SO MUCH PENDING WORK!
It's because they keep piling shit at our place one after another. SHITS SHITS SHITS!

And you know what I'm freaking out about? Is that I don't know how to answer the questions because the freakshows in our school DO NOT teach us according to the model of the exam paper!
UUUUUGH!
And i'm freaking out because I feel like my competitor in class is doing better than me. She's more organized, and she doesn't procrastinate, and she gets things done.
BAS! Starting tomorrow, I'm doing this too! I DON'T CARE! And please ya'll, if you catch me procrastinating, REMIND ME!

I'M STILL FREAKING OUT!
You know what my problem is? I freak out over the wrong things at the wrong time.

Okay I still don't feel better but there's no point in freaking out. So I'm going to take a deep breath-- 1, 2, 3-- SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Drink water-- *gulps*
And think:
What makes her better than me?
Her lack of procrastination, her being organized and her doing regular revisions, and forward thinking.
This is not much, and with a little organization, I can become all of this too. Other than that, I have my individual way of working according to my needs, so I don't need to worry abotu her doing it differently and her being better, so long as I get things done on time.

Okay then. Bye you guys =D thanks for listening :P
xD

Community Service

Just in case you guys are wondering, yesterday's thought of the day was too uninspirational to be blogged about. So phayl ._.

Anyhow, Cambridge has this rule that each of its student should have atleast 20 hours of community service at the end of the academic year.
Our community service basically involves us helping out with the Foundation Stage kids. Bloody fun it is, with those tiny little rascals :]

It's made me realize a lot of things. For instance, NEVER and I mean NEVER underestimate the amount of evil present in a kid. Never. Just don't. Don't even bother. They can rag you like no Pakistani-senior-at-University can.
Take my word for it.
:]

Getting real, [no but seriously], one does not realize how hard it actually is to teach the little ones. It is, I believe, the most important and difficult job in the entire school. To control the hyperactive rugrats AND having to make them sit down and listen is absolutely exhausting, if not impossible. You're completely juiced out of energy by the end of ONE lesson!
Maybe that's why the little ones go back earlier than the entire school :/
It made me realize how hard the FS teachers really work, and poor souls don't even get much importance because their work is considered to be at a lower level and actually easy.
It also made me realize how hard parents work on their kids, loving them, nurturing them, bringing them up, bearing their loud & rowdy ways, stinky little bottoms, non-stop crying and bawling.

I beleive everyone should get this opportunity atleast one in their lifetime. I know the above description may portray a relatively negative limelight in terms of the nature of the work, but it's actually pretty rewarding. The little kids are mostly [I said MOSTLY >.> ]so easy to befriend. They will never judge you, their minds are pure and clean and they are never going to two-faced with you, however cliche this sounds. A handshake is all it takes to be their best friend and "dosti" with them. Pinky-finger promises and "kattis" are their anxieties, and every thing's forgotten after half an hour at the play-area.
It really is as easy as described-- just love them, talk to them and show them that you're willing to listen to them. They look up to you so much it's heart-warming. They will show you their bruises if that's what it takes for you to give them attention and a hug.
Bless their souls, I love my Community Service :]

In other news, my article got published in the school newspaper. It was about a pencil-collection drive we had for the underprivileged students in Tamil Nadu. [Target: CHECKED!]

Next aim:

1. Write for the next issue of the school newspaper.
2. President of the Sociology club.